What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:55
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot live in the past .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Which is better, a naked picture of some one you know or porn videos?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He knew the spot.
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
How did it feel to take your first gay BBC?
My life is so biszare .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Put me off passion for life!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She loved him until the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
What is a good habit and what is bad one?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So whats the point in blame.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was 9 years of age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I have no regrets .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
This is soul school!.
I think the readers, may guess!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It was going to be , some day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She married twice! .
I waited trembling.
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I write beautiful poetry .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ive learnt so much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What did i know ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i lived it daily.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was seconnd youngest,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I said to her
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I don,t even have a pension.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
All the time i was locked up.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Comes on , in middle age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was scared of men, in general
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it wasn’t much.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
When she asked me how she looked .